Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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