Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
