apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
