Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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