is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
