the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
