Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
