THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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