I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
