I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
The ass gains better be worth it
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