Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
