Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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