fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
