I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
