i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
