I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I had to cum in my sink.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
