Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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