I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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