12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
