I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
