omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
