Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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