so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
