...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just invented taco cereal.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
