I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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