Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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