so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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