I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
