Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
