So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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