Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
