we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
