Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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