Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
