all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
