Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
