So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
