my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
