Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
