you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
