found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
