He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
