party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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