Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
