At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
