Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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