wanna go halves on a baby?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
