i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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