No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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