Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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